Based on the client's opening metaphor of "banging my head against a wall" we might have expected the session to take the general form that it did. As a rule, an early metaphor for how the client has been approaching their problem is a reliable indicator of how the session will unfold – and, when the client operates out of a different metaphor, and indicator of the significance of that change. (See our article Meta-comments for more on these kinds of indicators)

With hindsight we might have started by developing that opening metaphor but we were attempting to demonstrate to the group how we usually start by working with a desired Outcome. Our guess is, given the nature of the client's binds, wherever we had started we would have arrived at a similar place.

Less blaming of myself

More separated off from my son and daughter in law – not in loving feelings, but in terms of autonomy – I can’t influence them any which way. That’s how it is. They’re adults, forging their own life. At their age I would not have wanted my mother’s interference in my life!

In regard to my daughter: I see my role now more in supporting her growth towards maturity, independence, positive self-regard. It’s  a backseat role, and I’m comfortable in it. That’s something new for me, being historically very interventionist by nature.

Acceptance:  I suppose you could say I’ve moved closer to acceptance in the “serenity prayer” sense:  I  recognize that this is not something I can change. All I can do is change my attitude to it. That’s not an overnight thing, of course. But I feel it’s happening. I’m not filled with the kind of angst that I was when you interviewed me. There’s sadness, a bit of withdrawal, but the anger, the frustration,  has largely gone."